As a die-hard Black Myth: Wukong fan, I nearly spat out my energy drink when I saw Game Science's latest merch drop. That life-sized Destined One bust isn't just a collectible – it's a financial dare wrapped in resin and golden silk wool. I mean, five thousand bucks? That's like sacrificing three next-gen consoles to the gaming gods! Yet here we are in 2025, with pre-orders open for this absolute unit of a statue. The irony isn't lost on me that while our monkey warrior keeps taking silver in awards (looking at you, Astro Bot), he's striking gold in the 'make-your-bank-account-sweat' department. Talk about a mixed blessing!
The 'Destined One' to Drain Your Wallet
Let's address the elephant-sized monkey in the room first: this gloriously grumpy-faced bust stands taller than my gaming rig at nearly 40 inches tall and 36 inches wide. I measured my bookshelf just to be sure – nope, this bad boy would be doing a headstand on my coffee table like it owns the place. Crafted with:
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Premium resin body armor that gleams like actual battle gear
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Platinum silicone skin so realistic you'll swear it breathes
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Golden silk wool mane that whispers "pet me" every time you walk by
Honestly, the craftsmanship makes me weak in the knees... but then I remember that $5,129.99 price tag and my knees give out for entirely different reasons.
Payment Plans & Pre-Order Panic
The $1,026 down payment feels like Game Science gently pickpocketing me while whispering "trust the process". It's non-refundable too – basically relationship-level commitment for a digital monkey descendant. When that shipping notification hits in late 2025, your bank account better brace for impact like it's facing the final boss.
| Payment Stage | Amount | Emotional Damage Level |
|---|---|---|
| Down Payment | $1,026 | 😱 Mild cardiac event |
| Final Payment | $4,103.99 | 💸 Existential dread |
| Shipping Day | Priceless | 🥹 Tears of joy/regret |
Why This Hurts So Good
Look, I get it – after Wukong got snubbed for Game of the Year again by that chirpy little Astro Bot, this bust feels like our collective middle finger to the awards committees. That sculpted frown? That's every fan's mood when the trophy goes elsewhere. That $5K price? That's the premium we'll pay for vindication.
Part of me wonders if Game Science's CEO designed this personally after those award losses – like, "Oh, you won't give us gold? Fine! We'll MAKE our own gold! And charge your rent for it!" Savage, but honestly? Respect. The sheer audacity of this glorified paperweight has me equal parts horrified and impressed.
Where Does This Beast Even Live?
Seriously though – where do you put a 40-inch monkey head? My tiny apartment's already a shrine to gaming merch:
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My Funko Pops are sweating nervously
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My LED-lit shelves are having structural doubts
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My cat keeps side-eyeing the measurements
This bust isn't decor – it's a territorial claim. That golden mane demands its own spotlight like a diva at a photoshoot. You don't just own this masterpiece; you rearrange your entire life around its majestic presence. Might need to sacrifice a couch... or a roommate.
Frequently Asked Tears
Q: Is this bust ACTUALLY worth 5 grand?
A: Worth is subjective! If you measure value in resin mass and emotional fulfillment, absolutely. If you measure in "not being homeless," maybe reconsider.
Q: Will this cure my sadness about the Game Awards?
A: Temporarily! Staring at Wukong's judgmental eyebrows does soothe the sting of injustice. Until you remember you paid five grand for eyebrows.
Q: Can I pay in installments of dignity?
A: Sadly no, but the down payment does require sacrificing approximately three months of avocado toast privileges.
Q: What happens if my partner sees the receipt?
A: Start practicing your "But babe, it's an investment piece!" speech now. Results not guaranteed.
Q: Will this bust judge my gaming skills?
A: Undoubtedly. That stern expression whispers "git gud" every time you die in-game.
At the end of the day, this bust is the ultimate test of fan devotion – a towering, expensive metaphor for how far we'll go for the games we love. My credit card's hyperventilating in the corner, but my heart? My heart's whispering "...maybe."